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Noel writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I’ve been having problems with my girlfriend for a while.  I think she’s slightly retarded because I tell her she’s smothering me and that we just don’t connect but she just doesn’t get it!  She’s always like, “It’s not me it’s you!” or “What do you mean?”.  I’m over it and I’m ready to move on.  But I don’t feel like having a long ass discussion with her AGAIN when I KNOW she’s just not gonna get it!  I’ve just been ignoring her calls for the past week and she KEEPS CALLING.  Is she truly retarded?  I feel like just continuing to ignore her until she gets it and moves on.  Does that make me an asshole?


<shrug> Naaaaaah!…  But you should totally give her the ” ‘Tard Test”:  Call up her best friend and invite her over at like 2PM.  Then call your girlfriend and tell her to swing by at like 2:15PM — well it might take you a little bit longer than it takes me cuz I’m just a charmer that way— so let’s say 3PM.  Seduce her friend but leave the door unlocked and when the girlfriend gets tired of knocking she’ll come in and find you getting it in with her BFF.  If she goes ballistic then she’s mentally ok but if she just stands there going, “DUUUUUUHHHH” then YES!  She is an official retard.


Actually it’s not a bad idea to just let this go.  If you’ve tried to have a conversation with her and truly let her know what your issues are and she really does not seem to get it you can’t climb inside her brain and make her understand. Perhaps you can give her the courtesy of letting her know it’s over in an email or a letter so she at least knows where you stand and express to her that you will have no further contact with her after that point.  After that you can continue with a guilt-free conscience to ignore her calls.


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