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Archive for the ‘YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED’ category

Felicia writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I have a hopeless friend who’s often drunk and I really believe she has a serious drinking problem.  She’s a very aggressive person and I am seriously non-confrontational.  Well she came over to my house last week and of course was drunk.  I didn’t want her to come over but I was afraid to say no.  We were sitting on opposite sofas and suddenly she moves over to my sofa, moves my things from the cushion next to me and plops down.  Her breath was reeking of alcohol and I wanted to throw up.  She started talking about how she wanted to be a better friend to me then she tried to KISS me!  I leapt across the room and said, “NO”.  She started drunk-crying and apologizing and then she left.  We haven’t spoken since.  And I don’t want to be friends with her anymore.  What do I do?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Call her and tell her you joined  a super right-winged Christian church, bought stock in Chic-Fil-A and are planning a move to the Bible Belt to become an evangelist … So unfortunately you can no longer be her friend.

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

I say let sleeping dogs lie.  If you no longer wish to be her friend there’s no need to smooth things over.  You two haven’t spoken in a week so as long as she doesn’t reach out to you don’t reach out to her.  If she does reach out to you tap into that same power that found your voice to say “NO” when she made a pass at you and use it to explain that you feel uncomfortable being her friend.  Remember you have a right to decide who is in your life and who is not.  Having to deal with uncomfortable situations such as confrontation can be frightening but you have to decide if that moment of “stage fright” in confronting her is worth freeing yourself of a friendship in which you feel afraid to say how you feel and have to protect yourself physically from this person.  I would deal with the stage fright and get it over with.

Car Swap

Brett writes,

Dear Deviled Angel,

My dad is furious because the storm knocked some of the branches off a tree by our house and it broke his rearview mirror off and destroyed his windshield.  He says until he gets it fixed he’s gonna take my car.  That is so NOT fair!  He says since he bought it the car belongs to him so he can take it whenever he wants.  I told him to move his car before the storm hit but he didn’t so why should I be punished for his mistake??

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

His dumb ass shoulda moved his car whether you told him to or not.  Everyone in the entire earth knew the storm was coming.  It’s only been all over the news and the topic of conversation for a week now!  Especially since you live in an area where the storm was supposed to hit there’s no acceptable excuse for dumb-old-dad not knowing.  I say break your car’s windshield and your rear-view mirror and then ask, “Who’s car you gonna take now, dad??!!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Clearly you should not be punished for his mistake!  And if he gave you the car as a gift then it should belong to you, no backsies.  However if you are living in his home and the car is in his name there’s really nothing you can do about it but try to reason with him.  If that doesn’t work maybe you can try to help earn the money to get his car fixed or better earn the money to buy your own car in your name so you won’t have to deal with this situation again.

Hotel Blues

Agnes writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I’m staying at a very expensive hotel and the service simply isn’t up to par for the amount of money I am spending here.  I spoke to the manager here and got no satisfaction.  Who do I go to in order to make a splash in a big way and let them know this is not okay.

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Umm go to your bank and cancel that credit card payment!  That’ll make a splash!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

In this age of new media there are too many ways to make a splash.  There are web sites and blogs that specifically rank hotels where you can tell the world about your experience.  And of course there’s always the better business bureau.  But before doing any of that; if the hotel cares anything at all about it’s reputation I would just speak to the corporate offices.  I’m sure they can resolve whatever issues you have to your satisfaction.  Many people think they’ve hit a dead end when they go to a manager or a supervisor and many of the people in those positions want you to feel that way.  But just remember that unless the person is the CEO and/or actual sole owner of the company they have been hired by someone else and can be fired as well.  So find their boss and make your complaint.

Tele-quette

Ramona writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My friend Angel is so annoying on the phone!!  Everytime I tell her I have to go she finds 3 other things to talk about.  It’s like she hears me and then bulldozes right past what I’ve said.  She’s a good person; but doesn’t have any respect for my precious time!!  I look at the phone sometimes and don’t want to answer it because she’s become that annoying friend I have to over-talk to.  She just doesn’t have good phone sense.  How do I fix this?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Angels can be quite annoying—Sidebar.  You’re being too nice!  Say I gotta go and then just hang up!!  Don’t wait for an answer just hang up right in her time-disrespecting face.  Etiquette works on some people and doesn’t on others.   The next time you talk to her if she was offended by it say, “Bitch, I said I had to go!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

I’m sure she means no harm.  But you need to tell her that you don’t want to hang up on her but you’ve really gotta go.  If she continues talking.  Say, “I’m sorry I’m out of time.  Call you later.” and hang up.  If you do that enough times she’ll get the picture.  If not then she may just be that friend that you have to politely hang up on everytime you talk.

Beth writes:

Dear Deviled Angel!

Oh My God!  My grandmother is the biggest gossip in the world!!  She’s always running to her church friends and telling my business.  I swear she does it to get some kind of “Old People Cool Points”  but I’ve had it!!  She actually told the people in her Sunday School class that I’d had an abortion!!  Something I specifically told her I did not want her to repeat.  I swear I’m ready to strangle her even though I know she’s probably gonna die in a few years of old age anyway!  What the hell should I do???

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Well idiot.  First, STOP telling her stuff.  Second, you say to her, “Grandma I’ve had it with you running and telling all your graveyard friends at church my personal business.  And the next time you do it I swear I’m gonna strangle you until you die!! …  Now go tell your friends that!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Your grandma is probably guilty of what many parents and grandparents are guilty of: discounting the things that are important to younger people simply because they’re younger and it’s assumed they’ll “get over it.  That’s not fair and it’s not right!  You need to let your grandmother know that it’s not her right to know your business but when you share something with her it’s with a certain trust that she will keep things private when you ask her to.  If she cannot respect that then you simply should not share anything with her that you feel uncomfortable having her broadcast.  A word of caution:  old leopards don’t typically change their spots.

Justin writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My boy and I were baggin on each other and he said, “When you die they oughta bury you in the K-Mart parking lot so your soul can get run over by cars full of fat people for the rest of eternity!”  I stopped because that’s not a bag and I believe my boy got serious.  Now we’re beefin because he offended me.  Doesn’t that seem personal to you?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Dear God (YES! God), Give me strength.  First of all that is the WHACKEST bag I have heard in all of eternity and your boy should literally teabag a wire hanger down the back of his throat and destroy his vocal chords so nothing else STUPID ever escapes his lips.  Ever!  Second, there are no feelings in the game of bagging.  You take whatever you are dished!  How much of a tulip do you sound like right now, dude??:  ”Aw he hurt my feelings because he got real..”  SO  #$%^$$@@##^%^  WHAT!!!!!!!  Third I need you to go to a gardening store, get some soil, put it in your underwear, plant some Coco de Mer in that soil and take really good care of them as they grow.  ”What are we growing, Devil?”, you ask.  ”Some bigger nuts my friend.  Some bigger nuts!!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

I’m not a fan of bagging in the first place because it is just an excuse for people to say all the negative things they feel about each other in a very harsh way.  Both parties pretend it’s all in good fun but they walk away doubting themselves or their friendship.  Clearly you are not cut out for this game if you take things personally.  But if you and your friend were bold enough to enter into a game of bagging you should be bold enough to talk about it after if something bothers you.  Don’t let another day go by without reaching out to your friend.

Elisa writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My former friend Kim has no idea why I’ve stopped being her friend.  And she’s really annoyed by it.  She keeps going to our mutual friends and playing the victim.  The truth is that I’ve distanced myself from her because a former mutual friend of Kim’s and mine lied about me and Kim believed it.  Not only did she believe it she took the helm in a campaign to make me look bad.  She along with the girl who lied on me called an “intervention” where they gathered my other girlfriends together in a room with me and proceeded to tell me (not ask me) what I had done and tell me that it was so wrong and that I shouldn’t conduct myself in such a way.  I said I didn’t do it and they basically called me a liar and continued with their verbal assault/rant.  I was so upset I wanted to cry so I simply sat there and got lectured by two people I felt were the last people on earth to offer advice about “conducting one’s self”.  It was humiliating and from that day I decided I did not want to be friends with people like that.  It came out later that the girl had completely lied about me but by then it was too late.  The damage had been done.  I don’t feel I owe Kim anything.  Least of all an explanation.

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Well see that’s where you’re wrong!  You absolutely do owe Kim something.  But it ain’t an explanation.. In fact what you owe her has nothing to do with words or talking at all.  I’ll let your imagination run with this one..

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

I think you’re well within your rights not to give her any explanation.  After all you two are no longer friends.  That was wrong of her to accuse you and not ask you.  It was wrong of her to put you on the chopping block in front of your other girlfriends.  It was a smart decision to stop associating with a person like that.  She wasn’t doing it because she cared about you otherwise she would have apologized when the truth finally came to light.  She clearly needed to feel important (thus the lecture on “how to conduct yourself”) and her grave mistake was doing it at your expense.  Shake it off and keep pressing forward.  She doesn’t deserve any more of your energy!

Mail-A-Mate

Markis writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I keep running into the same type of women.  I don’t know what it is?!?!?!  They are bossy and controlling and real opinionated!  I try to treat them like ladies I buy them nice things take them to nice dinners and give them lots of attention but they just turn into these witches  who always have some rebuttal when I speak to them and then I have to get rid of them.  How do I find a woman a little more quiet and easy to deal with.

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

I don’t know you or the ladies you deal with but from your letter is seems you’re the type that likes to be in control.  If you want someone you can boss around, control and who has no opinion I suggest you go to www.mailorderbride.com and pick from the yearbook of scared foreign women who need visas.  They come already submissive.  Happy hunting!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Whenever we are confronted with the same type of person in a new relationship it’s because there is a lesson we didn’t learn the last time we were in a similar relationship.  Ask yourself, “Did I have any regrets about the way I handled myself last time I was here?”  ”Would I have done anything differently?”  If the answer is “yes” try it in the new situation.  If the answer is “no” perhaps you need to re-evaluate because the universe disagrees.  Consider these situations as exams that you have to keep taking over and over until you pass.

 

Bishop writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My boss KEEPS hating on me.  I’m not after the man’s job.  I don’t even want to work in this department and he KNOWS that.  Man!  It’s like everything I say is wrong.  If we have a meeting every idea I have he shoots it down in front of everybody.  Everytime I try to put in for a transfer he won’t even submit it he just tells me “no”.  I’m about to lose it on this dude, man!  Gimme somethin‘!

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Communication is key!  It’s all about getting information.  That diffuses any situation.  I suggest pulling your boss aside during one of those meetings you were talking about and then asking in your loudest voice, “Why are you such a BITCH-ASS BOSS?”  When he stammers for a response follow your 1st mind and go ahead and lose it on the dude.  Make sure you write back and tell us about it.  God, I love a good fight!..

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Jealousy comes in many forms and for a variety of reasons.  Perhaps your boss is not worried about you stealing his job but is simply jealous of your ambition.  He may feel that he can do more or reach a higher level than he’s currently at and isn’t motivated to do so right now.  But instead of figuring out a way to motivate himself and push forward he’s resigned himself to being miserable where he is.  And what does misery love??…  You guessed it: Company!  So he feels the need to hold you back from the things you desire.  In this case you are well within your rights to go over his head.  You’ve tried the appropriate measures (i.e. submitting ideas/transfers through him) to no avail.  So now explain what you’re feeling to HIS superior and ask her/him how you can submit your ideas and transfer some other way.

Say My Name!

Effin writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My boyfriend won’t sleep with me.  I know he’s not cheating because he works all the time and when he’s not working he’s at home with me.  We live together and I haven’t noticed any suspicious behavior like, change in cologne or underwear or him coming home late except once a week when he and the guys from work get together for boy’s night out (and I’ve met them so I know it’s all guys).  So what’s the problem??

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Wait!.. Your name is Effin?!?…  Really?!?  As in:  ”Yes your man is Effin cheatin’ on you!”? , “He’s probably cheating with one of those Effin  guys from his little Boys’ Night Tickle-Fight Club!!”? or “Are you Effin kidding me?!  You can’t be this naive!!”? …  And wait.. do your friends call you “Eff” for short?  As in:  ”What the Eff must you look like for your man to live with you and NEVER want to hit it?”?, “Why the Eff would you put up with not getting any??” or “How the Eff did this girl miss the memo that men think about sex twice an hour and if they’re not getting it at home they’re damn sure getting it somewhere else?”?  Well I don’t know what to tell you about your guy but if my name was Effin I wouldn’t be so worried about my boyfriend screwing me…Your parents screwed you enough!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Have you asked your boyfriend what the problem is.  Often we take ourselves through such unnecessary stress over our relationships because we spend so much time analyzing and rationalizing on our own instead of simply asking our partner.  If you don’t feel like you can ask/talk about it that in itself is a problem.  In these times when the economy is still getting it’s sea legs mental stress and worry often prove to be the culprit of the decline in sexual connection in many relationships (not another woman/man!).  If there is something going on then you have to decide if that’s the situation you want to be in.  But having your needs continue to go unmet in a relationship is not healthy for you.