Agnes writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I’m staying at a very expensive hotel and the service simply isn’t up to par for the amount of money I am spending here.  I spoke to the manager here and got no satisfaction.  Who do I go to in order to make a splash in a big way and let them know this is not okay.

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Umm go to your bank and cancel that credit card payment!  That’ll make a splash!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

In this age of new media there are too many ways to make a splash.  There are web sites and blogs that specifically rank hotels where you can tell the world about your experience.  And of course there’s always the better business bureau.  But before doing any of that; if the hotel cares anything at all about it’s reputation I would just speak to the corporate offices.  I’m sure they can resolve whatever issues you have to your satisfaction.  Many people think they’ve hit a dead end when they go to a manager or a supervisor and many of the people in those positions want you to feel that way.  But just remember that unless the person is the CEO and/or actual sole owner of the company they have been hired by someone else and can be fired as well.  So find their boss and make your complaint.

Ramona writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My friend Angel is so annoying on the phone!!  Everytime I tell her I have to go she finds 3 other things to talk about.  It’s like she hears me and then bulldozes right past what I’ve said.  She’s a good person; but doesn’t have any respect for my precious time!!  I look at the phone sometimes and don’t want to answer it because she’s become that annoying friend I have to over-talk to.  She just doesn’t have good phone sense.  How do I fix this?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Angels can be quite annoying—Sidebar.  You’re being too nice!  Say I gotta go and then just hang up!!  Don’t wait for an answer just hang up right in her time-disrespecting face.  Etiquette works on some people and doesn’t on others.   The next time you talk to her if she was offended by it say, “Bitch, I said I had to go!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

I’m sure she means no harm.  But you need to tell her that you don’t want to hang up on her but you’ve really gotta go.  If she continues talking.  Say, “I’m sorry I’m out of time.  Call you later.” and hang up.  If you do that enough times she’ll get the picture.  If not then she may just be that friend that you have to politely hang up on everytime you talk.

Beth writes:

Dear Deviled Angel!

Oh My God!  My grandmother is the biggest gossip in the world!!  She’s always running to her church friends and telling my business.  I swear she does it to get some kind of “Old People Cool Points”  but I’ve had it!!  She actually told the people in her Sunday School class that I’d had an abortion!!  Something I specifically told her I did not want her to repeat.  I swear I’m ready to strangle her even though I know she’s probably gonna die in a few years of old age anyway!  What the hell should I do???

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Well idiot.  First, STOP telling her stuff.  Second, you say to her, “Grandma I’ve had it with you running and telling all your graveyard friends at church my personal business.  And the next time you do it I swear I’m gonna strangle you until you die!! …  Now go tell your friends that!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Your grandma is probably guilty of what many parents and grandparents are guilty of: discounting the things that are important to younger people simply because they’re younger and it’s assumed they’ll “get over it.  That’s not fair and it’s not right!  You need to let your grandmother know that it’s not her right to know your business but when you share something with her it’s with a certain trust that she will keep things private when you ask her to.  If she cannot respect that then you simply should not share anything with her that you feel uncomfortable having her broadcast.  A word of caution:  old leopards don’t typically change their spots.

Justin writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My boy and I were baggin on each other and he said, “When you die they oughta bury you in the K-Mart parking lot so your soul can get run over by cars full of fat people for the rest of eternity!”  I stopped because that’s not a bag and I believe my boy got serious.  Now we’re beefin because he offended me.  Doesn’t that seem personal to you?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Dear God (YES! God), Give me strength.  First of all that is the WHACKEST bag I have heard in all of eternity and your boy should literally teabag a wire hanger down the back of his throat and destroy his vocal chords so nothing else STUPID ever escapes his lips.  Ever!  Second, there are no feelings in the game of bagging.  You take whatever you are dished!  How much of a tulip do you sound like right now, dude??:  ”Aw he hurt my feelings because he got real..”  SO  #$%^$$@@##^%^  WHAT!!!!!!!  Third I need you to go to a gardening store, get some soil, put it in your underwear, plant some Coco de Mer in that soil and take really good care of them as they grow.  ”What are we growing, Devil?”, you ask.  ”Some bigger nuts my friend.  Some bigger nuts!!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

I’m not a fan of bagging in the first place because it is just an excuse for people to say all the negative things they feel about each other in a very harsh way.  Both parties pretend it’s all in good fun but they walk away doubting themselves or their friendship.  Clearly you are not cut out for this game if you take things personally.  But if you and your friend were bold enough to enter into a game of bagging you should be bold enough to talk about it after if something bothers you.  Don’t let another day go by without reaching out to your friend.

Elisa writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My former friend Kim has no idea why I’ve stopped being her friend.  And she’s really annoyed by it.  She keeps going to our mutual friends and playing the victim.  The truth is that I’ve distanced myself from her because a former mutual friend of Kim’s and mine lied about me and Kim believed it.  Not only did she believe it she took the helm in a campaign to make me look bad.  She along with the girl who lied on me called an “intervention” where they gathered my other girlfriends together in a room with me and proceeded to tell me (not ask me) what I had done and tell me that it was so wrong and that I shouldn’t conduct myself in such a way.  I said I didn’t do it and they basically called me a liar and continued with their verbal assault/rant.  I was so upset I wanted to cry so I simply sat there and got lectured by two people I felt were the last people on earth to offer advice about “conducting one’s self”.  It was humiliating and from that day I decided I did not want to be friends with people like that.  It came out later that the girl had completely lied about me but by then it was too late.  The damage had been done.  I don’t feel I owe Kim anything.  Least of all an explanation.

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Well see that’s where you’re wrong!  You absolutely do owe Kim something.  But it ain’t an explanation.. In fact what you owe her has nothing to do with words or talking at all.  I’ll let your imagination run with this one..

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

I think you’re well within your rights not to give her any explanation.  After all you two are no longer friends.  That was wrong of her to accuse you and not ask you.  It was wrong of her to put you on the chopping block in front of your other girlfriends.  It was a smart decision to stop associating with a person like that.  She wasn’t doing it because she cared about you otherwise she would have apologized when the truth finally came to light.  She clearly needed to feel important (thus the lecture on “how to conduct yourself”) and her grave mistake was doing it at your expense.  Shake it off and keep pressing forward.  She doesn’t deserve any more of your energy!

Markis writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I keep running into the same type of women.  I don’t know what it is?!?!?!  They are bossy and controlling and real opinionated!  I try to treat them like ladies I buy them nice things take them to nice dinners and give them lots of attention but they just turn into these witches  who always have some rebuttal when I speak to them and then I have to get rid of them.  How do I find a woman a little more quiet and easy to deal with.

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

I don’t know you or the ladies you deal with but from your letter is seems you’re the type that likes to be in control.  If you want someone you can boss around, control and who has no opinion I suggest you go to www.mailorderbride.com and pick from the yearbook of scared foreign women who need visas.  They come already submissive.  Happy hunting!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Whenever we are confronted with the same type of person in a new relationship it’s because there is a lesson we didn’t learn the last time we were in a similar relationship.  Ask yourself, “Did I have any regrets about the way I handled myself last time I was here?”  ”Would I have done anything differently?”  If the answer is “yes” try it in the new situation.  If the answer is “no” perhaps you need to re-evaluate because the universe disagrees.  Consider these situations as exams that you have to keep taking over and over until you pass.

Bishop writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My boss KEEPS hating on me.  I’m not after the man’s job.  I don’t even want to work in this department and he KNOWS that.  Man!  It’s like everything I say is wrong.  If we have a meeting every idea I have he shoots it down in front of everybody.  Everytime I try to put in for a transfer he won’t even submit it he just tells me “no”.  I’m about to lose it on this dude, man!  Gimme somethin‘!

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Communication is key!  It’s all about getting information.  That diffuses any situation.  I suggest pulling your boss aside during one of those meetings you were talking about and then asking in your loudest voice, “Why are you such a BITCH-ASS BOSS?”  When he stammers for a response follow your 1st mind and go ahead and lose it on the dude.  Make sure you write back and tell us about it.  God, I love a good fight!..

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Jealousy comes in many forms and for a variety of reasons.  Perhaps your boss is not worried about you stealing his job but is simply jealous of your ambition.  He may feel that he can do more or reach a higher level than he’s currently at and isn’t motivated to do so right now.  But instead of figuring out a way to motivate himself and push forward he’s resigned himself to being miserable where he is.  And what does misery love??…  You guessed it: Company!  So he feels the need to hold you back from the things you desire.  In this case you are well within your rights to go over his head.  You’ve tried the appropriate measures (i.e. submitting ideas/transfers through him) to no avail.  So now explain what you’re feeling to HIS superior and ask her/him how you can submit your ideas and transfer some other way.

Effin writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

My boyfriend won’t sleep with me.  I know he’s not cheating because he works all the time and when he’s not working he’s at home with me.  We live together and I haven’t noticed any suspicious behavior like, change in cologne or underwear or him coming home late except once a week when he and the guys from work get together for boy’s night out (and I’ve met them so I know it’s all guys).  So what’s the problem??

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Wait!.. Your name is Effin?!?…  Really?!?  As in:  ”Yes your man is Effin cheatin’ on you!”? , “He’s probably cheating with one of those Effin  guys from his little Boys’ Night Tickle-Fight Club!!”? or “Are you Effin kidding me?!  You can’t be this naive!!”? …  And wait.. do your friends call you “Eff” for short?  As in:  ”What the Eff must you look like for your man to live with you and NEVER want to hit it?”?, “Why the Eff would you put up with not getting any??” or “How the Eff did this girl miss the memo that men think about sex twice an hour and if they’re not getting it at home they’re damn sure getting it somewhere else?”?  Well I don’t know what to tell you about your guy but if my name was Effin I wouldn’t be so worried about my boyfriend screwing me…Your parents screwed you enough!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Have you asked your boyfriend what the problem is.  Often we take ourselves through such unnecessary stress over our relationships because we spend so much time analyzing and rationalizing on our own instead of simply asking our partner.  If you don’t feel like you can ask/talk about it that in itself is a problem.  In these times when the economy is still getting it’s sea legs mental stress and worry often prove to be the culprit of the decline in sexual connection in many relationships (not another woman/man!).  If there is something going on then you have to decide if that’s the situation you want to be in.  But having your needs continue to go unmet in a relationship is not healthy for you.

Camille Writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I have 2 best friends Francis and Jayde.  Well Francis recently came clean and told me that she’d caught Jayde making out with my boyfriend.  Francis was furious with Jayde and told her off.  Jayde claimed she felt really bad, promised not to do it again and made Francis swear not to tell me.  Well Francis caught them on the phone one other time after that and Jayde tried to play it off like it was about class.  And the last straw was when Francis stopped by Jayde’s dorm room and heard my boyfriend’s voice.  When she knocked they pretended no one was home.  I was hurt at first that Francis didn’t tell me but I’m over that.  Now I just want revenge!

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

<smug sigh>.. You have come to the right place my friend..   Tell your friend Francis to help you carry out this plan:  Call Jayde crying saying you think your boyfriend is cheating on you, you’re thinking of breaking up with him and you need girl-time to talk about it.  Ask her to pick you up.  Tell her to call Francis and bring her along (that way she’s not suspicious).  Francis should make sure Jayde drives her own car.  You sit in the back seat behind Jayde and let Francis ride shotgun.  Tell them you want to go to a park or somewhere you can cry and not have a bunch of people staring at you.  When you get to the park break down crying hysterically in the back seat.  Of course your girlfriends will rush to your aid.  Make sure Francis knows to fall back and let Jayde be the one to hug you.  When Jayde goes to hug you grab her hair in your fist and twist her around so the back of her head is facing you.  Have Francis grab her arms and hold her while you close the car-door shut on her hair, take the keys, jump out of the car and lock the doors.  Now Jayde should be stuck in the back car door by her hair with no way of opening the door to get free because you’ve locked it.  Take her keys and throw them into the bushes/woods somewhere and tell Jayde everything you know.  This is obviously the end of your friendship and she’ll know it.  Then you and Francis leave (obviously you should have yours or Francis’s car pre-parked somewhere close by) and let her sit there uncomfortably to think about what she’s done.

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Invite your boyfriend and Jayde to lunch without letting one know the other is coming (someplace where there are booths).  Have Francis come in shortly after them and sit in another booth where she can hear everything but not be seen by either of them.   Talk casually as if you know nothing until after they order their food.  Then when the food comes tell them everything you know.  When they deny it have Francis come over to call them out.  Tell them how sad they are and that you want nothing to do with either of them and just leave with Francis.  You know you’re better off without people like that in your life.

Melissa writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I was hired to work on a project under a woman (Kate) who was obviously not familiar with the work that needed to be done for the project.  I did a great job and everyone loved my work.  Well I got wind of another project that was coming up right after mine ended and Kate was being very secretive about the information for the project so I got close to the executives so I could find out more.  Well it turns out it was another project that my skill set was perfect for!  So I told the executives that I wanted to do the job and if there was any way I could help Kate or just be a part of the project I would love to.  Well it turns out they decided to hire me for the project instead.  So I went from being under her to replacing her.  I feel like we’re all on the same team and it’s about making the vision come to life.  So I reached out to her several times and told her I have her back for anything she needs.  I’ve said it to her a dozen times and she refuses to respond.  So what do I do?  I think it’s childish.

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

GOT dammit I knew it <knee-slap>.  You don’t have her back!  You’re a back-stabbing bitch!!  No wonder she was being secretive with the information because she probably sensed your conniving right from the start.  When you jump in the ring of “getting ahead by stabbing people in the back” you don’t hold your position for very long because there’s always someone waiting on the side for the perfect opportunity to stab you in yours.  And one day the tables are gonna turn and you’ll need her.  And I hope she sets you on fire and refuses to even pee on you!  Figuratively of course.

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

From her perspective it could seem as if you took her job right from under her or that you went over her head.  Which in essence (at least the latter) is what you did.  To write to her and say “I have your back” is a bit oxymoronic.  So she probably feels very betrayed.  Would you want to speak to someone who’s betrayed you?  Even if you were right/better  for the job there is always a way to handle things so as not to burn a bridge.  The thing to do would have been to talk to her about what happened  and why you did what you did.  But it seems you’ve brushed it under the rug and feel she should move on as well.  If you want any kind of relationship with this woman you have to deal with the effects of your actions on her and perhaps apologize.  Conduct yourself in business the way you’d want someone to conduct themselves with you.  Things are ever changing in business and you wouldn’t want to face the wrath of someone you’ve stepped on in your upward climb.