Dear Deviled Angel,
My best friend of 10 years recently told me he’s in love with me and wants us to try dating. He’s a great guy and it would be great except that since I’m his best friend I know everything about him.. including the fact that he used to fool around with men. Granted this was years ago but I personally believe that if a guy fools around with another guy he’s simply gay. I don’t want to bring it up and have him think I’m using what he’s told me in confidence against him or worse judging him. It’s a deal breaker but how do I say that to him without losing his trust.
You can tell him the truth indirectly using finger puppets. You’ll need a Boy Finger Puppet (BFP) and a Girl Finger Puppet (GFP) and use the following script (be sure to use a low voice for the boy and high voice for the girl):
BFP: I really like you. We should date.
GFP: No, because you’ve tasted man-candy and you’re gay.
BFP: Aw shucks.
GFP: Don’t worry we can still be friends and I won’t judge you. Yaaaaayyy!!!
Who says you have to bring up his past history at all? If you do bring it up you risk starting a defensive and unnecessary argument. Start off with the positive: Tell your friend how much his friendship means to you and that the last thing you want is to lose it; but dating is just not the kind of relationship you want from him. And leave it at that. Should he press you for a reason just tell him you don’t feel the same way. Then go grab a burger to lighten the mood.
Dear Deviled Angel,
My girlfriend is dope. But her breath smells like someone with crap on their shoes took a walk on her tongue. She’s awesome in every other way. But I’m tired of holding my breath when I kiss her. It’s not a total deal breaker but it’s pretty close. How do we fix this?
My man here’s a little trivia for you: A woman’s sense of smell is like 30% stronger than a man’s. So if YOU’RE offended by your girlfriend’s breath she must be KILLING her girlfriends…if she has any. If she does have girlfriends they hate her because no true girlfriend is gonna let you go see your man when your breath smells like dead babies… But I digress… Here’s what you do. Get her in private and say, “Look my love there’s obviously a shit-shoed step team stomping it out on your tongue. And they’re really competing with our intimacy. I love you too much to let them win so this is for your own good….” Then pull out a Super Soaker filled with Listerine and Let. Her. Have. It.!!!
Often people think halitosis is a result of not brushing enough. But several factors could be at work: 1) Diet 2) Not eating at the right time 3) Sinus problems 4) Gum disease just to name a few. The cure really depends on the cause. Brushing twice a day, flossing and using a tongue scraper is the 1st thing to try. If she’s doing that and halitosis is still a problem I suggest researching a really good dentist. A dentist should be able to treat the halitosis or recommend a physician if the cause of the problem is out of his scope of expertise. But helping your girlfriend through this process in lieu of abandoning her is truly a gift.
Dear Deviled Angel,
I have a wonderful man in my life. He’s a great guy and I would say his good qualities definitely outweigh his bad qualities hands down. BUT his bad qualities happen to be my deal breakers. I’m trying to reconcile breaking up with such a good guy. I’d hate to miss out on him being in my life but I can’t see myself settling in terms of my deal breakers…not for the long haul.
Ladies and gentlemen meet the new muppet: MISS PICKY!!!! I wonder what he has to put up with from you?.. The problem with women is that they want a man to be perfect from the start when they’re far from perfect themselves. Go ‘head on and dump Mr. Good Guy and wait for Mr. PERFECT. I wish your ungrateful ass the best of luck!
2 questions: 1) Are you willing to sacrifice the other wonderful things for your deal breakers (that might be what you get with another guy who meets your deal breaker requirements)? 2) Are you sure the person you are with is unable to grow and meet the requirements of your deal breakers in time (sometimes they don’t start out perfect but if you give them space and time you realize that they are in fact right for you)? 3) Are your deal breakers reasonable (sometimes we set expectations that are impossible to reach which is a way of sabotaging our own success in career and relationships)?… There is nothing wrong with holding out for what you want and getting exactly that. If you take some time to have an honest look at your mate and deal breakers and answer these questions honestly you will discover your answer. If you decide not to have him in your life as a partner you could continue with a friendship. That way you can enjoy the wonderful person he is without worrying about the deal breakers.