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Posts tagged ‘entertainment’

Beth writes:

Dear Deviled Angel!

Oh My God!  My grandmother is the biggest gossip in the world!!  She’s always running to her church friends and telling my business.  I swear she does it to get some kind of “Old People Cool Points”  but I’ve had it!!  She actually told the people in her Sunday School class that I’d had an abortion!!  Something I specifically told her I did not want her to repeat.  I swear I’m ready to strangle her even though I know she’s probably gonna die in a few years of old age anyway!  What the hell should I do???

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Well idiot.  First, STOP telling her stuff.  Second, you say to her, “Grandma I’ve had it with you running and telling all your graveyard friends at church my personal business.  And the next time you do it I swear I’m gonna strangle you until you die!! …  Now go tell your friends that!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Your grandma is probably guilty of what many parents and grandparents are guilty of: discounting the things that are important to younger people simply because they’re younger and it’s assumed they’ll “get over it.  That’s not fair and it’s not right!  You need to let your grandmother know that it’s not her right to know your business but when you share something with her it’s with a certain trust that she will keep things private when you ask her to.  If she cannot respect that then you simply should not share anything with her that you feel uncomfortable having her broadcast.  A word of caution:  old leopards don’t typically change their spots.

Mail-A-Mate

Markis writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I keep running into the same type of women.  I don’t know what it is?!?!?!  They are bossy and controlling and real opinionated!  I try to treat them like ladies I buy them nice things take them to nice dinners and give them lots of attention but they just turn into these witches  who always have some rebuttal when I speak to them and then I have to get rid of them.  How do I find a woman a little more quiet and easy to deal with.

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

I don’t know you or the ladies you deal with but from your letter is seems you’re the type that likes to be in control.  If you want someone you can boss around, control and who has no opinion I suggest you go to www.mailorderbride.com and pick from the yearbook of scared foreign women who need visas.  They come already submissive.  Happy hunting!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Whenever we are confronted with the same type of person in a new relationship it’s because there is a lesson we didn’t learn the last time we were in a similar relationship.  Ask yourself, “Did I have any regrets about the way I handled myself last time I was here?”  ”Would I have done anything differently?”  If the answer is “yes” try it in the new situation.  If the answer is “no” perhaps you need to re-evaluate because the universe disagrees.  Consider these situations as exams that you have to keep taking over and over until you pass.

 

Vacate-tion

Francis writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I recently stopped dating a guy who kept stringing me along about a vacation I wanted to go on.  He kept saying that he would get back to me every time I’d ask him whether or not I should plan the vacation with him.  Finally just a couple of weeks before the dates I wanted to go I call him and he says he’s not gonna be able to go because he has to work.  He said he would rather make money than spend money.  So I plan a different trip with one of my girlfriends instead.  After I’ve booked the trip he calls me to say that he’s going on vacation after all with his boys to the exact place I wanted to go on vacation with him and during the exact dates I wanted to go!!  I told him never to call me again and he told me I was making myself the victim.  Am I crazy???

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

You are not crazy.  And he is not straight!  Clearly he’d rather watch his boys running on the beach with their oiled-up bodies and swim trunks and have tickle-fights with them than do those things with you.  Better that you find out now than later on down the line being married with kids and one day changing the sheets and finding a mysterious pair of tighty-whities on your side of the bed.  Good riddance!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Whatever his reason was he seems to be dishonest.  So it’s best you let him go.  Life is too short to waste time on shady characters.  Period.

Victor writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I was going to rent an apartment recently that was $500 per month because the owner was going out of town to work on a cruise ship.  I put down a $500 cash deposit to hold it.  Well two weeks before he was scheduled to leave I got a job out of town as well so I didn’t need the apartment anymore.  The owner had a fit and refused to give me back my deposit.  I told him I had a friend who would take the apartment in my stead and he raised the rent to $600.  She had no problem with the increase, gave him a $600 deposit and paid the pro-rated amount for the rest of the month.  The landlord still refuses to give me back my deposit even though I found someone who paid him more than I would have.  He said I gave him a lot of attitude and I put him in a bad situation.  I don’t get it!  What should I do?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

(shakin’ my head)… I need to tell you something.  But first I need you to sit down and take a deep breath, Victor…  Ready?…  Your ass just got ROBBED!!!  Dude you might as well have given your money to a crackhead and set your friend up to date him afterwards!  Eff those excuses; he’s refusing to give you your money back because he spent it!!  And you have no paper trail to prove you ever gave it to him, DUMBASS!!  Cash??!!  REALLY!!??  I’m not assuming you’re rolling in dough since you’re paying $500 for an apartment.  So consider this a very expensive lesson learned!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Wow!  Business is business so your “attitude” should have no bearing on your deposit being returned.  And it sounds like you rectified the situation by putting him in an even better one.  There’s no way to be certain of the real reason he’s not giving you your money.  But if he spoke about the situation to the friend you set up in the apartment then perhaps you could take him to small claims court and bring your friend in as a witness.  Call information in your city to get directions on how to proceed with that.

Noel writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I’ve been having problems with my girlfriend for a while.  I think she’s slightly retarded because I tell her she’s smothering me and that we just don’t connect but she just doesn’t get it!  She’s always like, “It’s not me it’s you!” or “What do you mean?”.  I’m over it and I’m ready to move on.  But I don’t feel like having a long ass discussion with her AGAIN when I KNOW she’s just not gonna get it!  I’ve just been ignoring her calls for the past week and she KEEPS CALLING.  Is she truly retarded?  I feel like just continuing to ignore her until she gets it and moves on.  Does that make me an asshole?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

<shrug> Naaaaaah!…  But you should totally give her the ” ‘Tard Test”:  Call up her best friend and invite her over at like 2PM.  Then call your girlfriend and tell her to swing by at like 2:15PM — well it might take you a little bit longer than it takes me cuz I’m just a charmer that way— so let’s say 3PM.  Seduce her friend but leave the door unlocked and when the girlfriend gets tired of knocking she’ll come in and find you getting it in with her BFF.  If she goes ballistic then she’s mentally ok but if she just stands there going, “DUUUUUUHHHH” then YES!  She is an official retard.

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Actually it’s not a bad idea to just let this go.  If you’ve tried to have a conversation with her and truly let her know what your issues are and she really does not seem to get it you can’t climb inside her brain and make her understand. Perhaps you can give her the courtesy of letting her know it’s over in an email or a letter so she at least knows where you stand and express to her that you will have no further contact with her after that point.  After that you can continue with a guilt-free conscience to ignore her calls.