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Posts tagged ‘haha’

Victor writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I was going to rent an apartment recently that was $500 per month because the owner was going out of town to work on a cruise ship.  I put down a $500 cash deposit to hold it.  Well two weeks before he was scheduled to leave I got a job out of town as well so I didn’t need the apartment anymore.  The owner had a fit and refused to give me back my deposit.  I told him I had a friend who would take the apartment in my stead and he raised the rent to $600.  She had no problem with the increase, gave him a $600 deposit and paid the pro-rated amount for the rest of the month.  The landlord still refuses to give me back my deposit even though I found someone who paid him more than I would have.  He said I gave him a lot of attitude and I put him in a bad situation.  I don’t get it!  What should I do?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

(shakin’ my head)… I need to tell you something.  But first I need you to sit down and take a deep breath, Victor…  Ready?…  Your ass just got ROBBED!!!  Dude you might as well have given your money to a crackhead and set your friend up to date him afterwards!  Eff those excuses; he’s refusing to give you your money back because he spent it!!  And you have no paper trail to prove you ever gave it to him, DUMBASS!!  Cash??!!  REALLY!!??  I’m not assuming you’re rolling in dough since you’re paying $500 for an apartment.  So consider this a very expensive lesson learned!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Wow!  Business is business so your “attitude” should have no bearing on your deposit being returned.  And it sounds like you rectified the situation by putting him in an even better one.  There’s no way to be certain of the real reason he’s not giving you your money.  But if he spoke about the situation to the friend you set up in the apartment then perhaps you could take him to small claims court and bring your friend in as a witness.  Call information in your city to get directions on how to proceed with that.

Dosha writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I go to a Baptist church so it’s not uncommon for people to call out things like “Well praise the lord!” or “Amen” while the preacher is preaching if they feel moved to do so.  But the lady who sits next to me talks non-stop!!  It’s so frustrating.  She finishes the pastor’s sentences and talks over him.  She even tries to tell me little stories about her life that fit the sermon.  She seems to want to make sure everyone around her knows she’s saved and well-versed in all things biblical.  But it’s a major distraction.  How do I get her to stop??!!

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Well it’s not what you say it’s how you say it!  Next time you go to church bring a book of matches and some Holy Oil.  When she starts talking to you sprinkle a little oil on her dress, pull out the matches and say, “Heifer, unless you want to know first-hand what it feels like to be a burnt offering I suggest you shut the Eff up and let me hear the word of God from the man of God.”  It’s amazing how persuasive you are when people think you’re crazy!..

If that’s too aggressive for you, you could say to the usher, “Look one of y’all better tell this cow to shut up before I ‘lay hands on her’ and it won’t be to get her saved!!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

As far as her calling out to the preacher:  you can’t micromanage someone else’s praise because you would not want them to do that to you.  The easiest solution is to simply change seats.  But if you’re adamant about not changing seats and she’s speaking directly to you while the sermon is going on perhaps you could politely say, “Let’s talk after the service is over.”