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Posts tagged ‘LOL’

Johanna writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I met a girl in class about 2 weeks ago and she was funny and cool.  We hung out after class and were killing ourselves laughing.  So we hung out again the next day and before I knew it we’d hung out everyday that week.  When we weren’t hanging out we were texting.  After about a week it got to be a bit much for me since I normally don’t spend that much time with anybody.  Not even my boyfriend.  So I just kinda fell back a bit.  Here’s where it gets crazy.  She continued to text me and the texts started going from things like “Hey where’s my bestie?” to “WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING ME??”.  What took the cake was someone called me and said she was a friend of Nedda’s (the creepy girl) from class and said Nedda told her to call me because she was worried about our friendship.  Is it just me or is it EXTREMELY creepy that this girl tried to have an intervention over a friendship that was only 2 weeks old?

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

It ain’t just you, honey.  That sounds like some “Single (insert ethnicity here) Female” shit to me!  You need to tell somebody you know who lives close to you what’s going on in case homegirl shows up at your place looking just like you; busting your boyfriend in the eye with the silver heel of a stiletto and throwing your puppy out the window!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Although it is natural for someone to feel a sense of abandonment when you establish a pattern and then suddenly veer from it the “red flag” on the play comes in with how Nedda’s handling her feelings.  In her mind perhaps she’s just being honest and letting you know how she really feels.  But it may come across to you as creepy or too intense.  The polite thing to do is tell her why you’ve chosen to take space from your friendship.  That may assuage some of her creepy behavior.  For her sake you also might want to tell her that the whole intervention and barrage of texts creeped you out.  She genuinely may not know that her behavior is stalker-esque.

Vacate-tion

Francis writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I recently stopped dating a guy who kept stringing me along about a vacation I wanted to go on.  He kept saying that he would get back to me every time I’d ask him whether or not I should plan the vacation with him.  Finally just a couple of weeks before the dates I wanted to go I call him and he says he’s not gonna be able to go because he has to work.  He said he would rather make money than spend money.  So I plan a different trip with one of my girlfriends instead.  After I’ve booked the trip he calls me to say that he’s going on vacation after all with his boys to the exact place I wanted to go on vacation with him and during the exact dates I wanted to go!!  I told him never to call me again and he told me I was making myself the victim.  Am I crazy???

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

You are not crazy.  And he is not straight!  Clearly he’d rather watch his boys running on the beach with their oiled-up bodies and swim trunks and have tickle-fights with them than do those things with you.  Better that you find out now than later on down the line being married with kids and one day changing the sheets and finding a mysterious pair of tighty-whities on your side of the bed.  Good riddance!

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

Whatever his reason was he seems to be dishonest.  So it’s best you let him go.  Life is too short to waste time on shady characters.  Period.

Dosha writes:

Dear Deviled Angel,

I go to a Baptist church so it’s not uncommon for people to call out things like “Well praise the lord!” or “Amen” while the preacher is preaching if they feel moved to do so.  But the lady who sits next to me talks non-stop!!  It’s so frustrating.  She finishes the pastor’s sentences and talks over him.  She even tries to tell me little stories about her life that fit the sermon.  She seems to want to make sure everyone around her knows she’s saved and well-versed in all things biblical.  But it’s a major distraction.  How do I get her to stop??!!

DEVIL’S RESPONSE:

Well it’s not what you say it’s how you say it!  Next time you go to church bring a book of matches and some Holy Oil.  When she starts talking to you sprinkle a little oil on her dress, pull out the matches and say, “Heifer, unless you want to know first-hand what it feels like to be a burnt offering I suggest you shut the Eff up and let me hear the word of God from the man of God.”  It’s amazing how persuasive you are when people think you’re crazy!..

If that’s too aggressive for you, you could say to the usher, “Look one of y’all better tell this cow to shut up before I ‘lay hands on her’ and it won’t be to get her saved!!”

ANGEL’S RESPONSE:

As far as her calling out to the preacher:  you can’t micromanage someone else’s praise because you would not want them to do that to you.  The easiest solution is to simply change seats.  But if you’re adamant about not changing seats and she’s speaking directly to you while the sermon is going on perhaps you could politely say, “Let’s talk after the service is over.”

Ever notice how people get away with absolute murder in a text just by adding “LOL” or one of it’s many variants?  Think about it.  People say some of the most raunchy things to each other but “LOL” somehow softens the blow.  The following is an example.  Sally and Jan want to go out to eat and are texting each other to make the arrangements.  Here’s the conversation without LOL:

Sally:  Hey Jan wanna grab a bite?

Jan:  Sure, Sal!  Let’s go to Roda’s Crab Shack…They have an all you can eat buffet.

Sally:  You are such a pig!  Seriously.  Why don’t we try Martin’s?  I hear it’s cool and they have small plates.

Jan:  You bitch!  What are you trying to say?

Sally:  That you’re a fat ass and could stand to lose a few pounds.  Now really.  Whaddaya say we try something new.

Jan:  Screw you! 

Now here’s the conversation with the friendship saving “LOL”:

Sally:  Hey Jan wanna grab a bite?

Jan:  Sure, Sal!  Let’s go to Roda’s Crab Shack…They have an all you can eat buffet.

Sally:  You are such a pig! LOL!.. Seriously though…  Why don’t we try Martin’s?  I hear it’s cool and they have small plates.

Jan:  Hahaha!  You bitch!  What are you trying to say? LOL

Sally:  That you’re a fat ass and could stand to lose a few pounds. LMAO.. No really..  Whaddaya say we try something new?.. <smile>

Jan:  Screw you! ROTFL… Pick me up at 8..  <smile>

How can we apply this to ”in person” situations?  Simple.  Just smile or Laugh Out Loud!  You can say almost anything you want to almost anyone you want as long as you remember this simple rule of thumb.  So the next time you’re standing in line and someone cuts in front of you just call out, “Hey you sneaky son of a bitch the line starts back there!  Hahahaha!”  Or if you’re in a store and you find a dress you like that’s more expensive than you can afford just say, “Wow I can’t believe you’re charging that much for this cheap shit!  Hahahaha!”  Or if you’re in church and someone’s shouting because they’ve caught the Holy Ghost just say, “Bitch, calm down.. you’re about to knock me over! Hahaha”.

And Remember:  ”God doesn’t see our sins as long as we smile while we commit them.”