Dear Deviled Angel,
I go to a Baptist church so it’s not uncommon for people to call out things like “Well praise the lord!” or “Amen” while the preacher is preaching if they feel moved to do so. But the lady who sits next to me talks non-stop!! It’s so frustrating. She finishes the pastor’s sentences and talks over him. She even tries to tell me little stories about her life that fit the sermon. She seems to want to make sure everyone around her knows she’s saved and well-versed in all things biblical. But it’s a major distraction. How do I get her to stop??!!
Well it’s not what you say it’s how you say it! Next time you go to church bring a book of matches and some Holy Oil. When she starts talking to you sprinkle a little oil on her dress, pull out the matches and say, “Heifer, unless you want to know first-hand what it feels like to be a burnt offering I suggest you shut the Eff up and let me hear the word of God from the man of God.” It’s amazing how persuasive you are when people think you’re crazy!..
If that’s too aggressive for you, you could say to the usher, “Look one of y’all better tell this cow to shut up before I ‘lay hands on her’ and it won’t be to get her saved!!”
As far as her calling out to the preacher: you can’t micromanage someone else’s praise because you would not want them to do that to you. The easiest solution is to simply change seats. But if you’re adamant about not changing seats and she’s speaking directly to you while the sermon is going on perhaps you could politely say, “Let’s talk after the service is over.”